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Kingz and Queenz Pt. 1 Manifesting Needs and Creating Infatuation.

Updated: Jan 31

Your brain will automatically start manifesting your needs and desires for you. In love relationships we start to lose the drive, desire, and energy to continue the effort required to help our partner feel loved if we aren’t careful. There are several reasons this happens. In this Kingz and Queenz series I will be going over numerous different reasons why that happens and ways to help fight the response with your partner. I have so many examples of different moments arguments couples have, along with healthy solutions to solve them. In this part of the series we are looking at manifesting dates (the pursuit of love) and compromise.

There is no gender difference in any of these posts. If you are in a same sex relationship you can and will still learn in this. Just take on the energy of which partner you are in the relationship. Do you fit more of the masculine or feminine energy/role? If neither of those roles work, try and figure out which part of the metaphor you can use. Kingz and Queenz is meant to be a metaphor to learn from, not to discriminate against anyone. More over, the King and Queen are meant to be used interchangeably. This isn’t a complete gender specific example I am giving. The concept is what is important, the metaphor is meant for learning and growth.

Manifesting date nights

Have you ever seen two people that you know are in love with each other in public? There is an aroma of the love they have for each other that everyone can see and smell. If you can’t see it or smell it, then where has the creativity of seduction and romance gone? Infatuation starts to go away like eating the same meal every day. The new car excitement that starts to where off. Can you take on your inner Casanova? The inner Marylin Monroe? The Prince Charming in you is wanting to be romantic and silly while providing the safety of a hero all at the same time. The princess in you is trying to make sure that the prince’s appetite is satisfied and the heart (ego) is cared for. As a King and Queen in the house trying to govern and lead the kingdom to hope, love, and prosperity. In relationships, it is both the King and Queens job to serve, love, and be creative in pursuing each other. The art of this in relationship goes away with time but there are fun ways to stop this from happening. Let’s begin.

A fun, creative, healthy way to manifest infatuation is with dates - completely for your partner. When we are dating we seduce our partner with treasures, acts of bravery or heroic service, poetry to their souls, or the most precious - our time. We get infatuated and the lover inside of us comes out and we want to love please our partner. We try all sorts of elaborate ways to get their attention. Dating is mostly positive attention. Once we are done dating and we have the person under our spell, we lose the mojo or interest. There are patterns and cycles that start to happen from “hot spots” in the relationship. Miscommunication can start happening more and more leading to unmet needs. A fascination, day dreaming about the grass greener somewhere. I challenge you to feed the manifestation by seducing your partner and creating magical adventures for your Queen or King to enjoy.

If you immediately feel an emotional feeling of being stuck, disgust, anger, disappointment, rejection, doubt, worry, blame, discouragement, fear, grief, powerlessness, or resentment, that means there is pain that is blocking your energy to pursue your partner. You need to repair the damage to your body and soul. Healing ointment can come with forgiveness. That doesn’t mean the memories will go away, but the emotional response and commitment to change can help honor boundaries. What do you need other than forgiveness and repair to start wanting to pursue again? I will go over repair in another blog. Getting repair for the offense, the hurt, and the unmet need is essential. Some people need to just recommit. Some need to learn to honor again. Sometimes it’s learning to deal with and or coping with the rejection or negative emotions, in that moment. Sometimes we have to find ways to help solve these problems for ourself by coping with the feeling and continue to pursue. Sometimes it is necessary to have a hard crucial conversation about your need of acceptance while pursuing them with fun and activity. Sometimes you might need to see past the fog of the early morning that the afternoon wind and sunshine will bring.

Most couples miscommunicate because they don’t find compromise and don’t communicate their expectations well. Say the king tries to set up a date for his partner but his brain is having a hard time coming up with new ideas. He’s so stressed with work and managing everyone’s needs, barely meeting his own. Then his partner unintentionally tells him the idea he had wasn’t a good idea. He developmentally is in autonomy verse shame and doubt. Now he doubts himself (is emotional, sad, rejected, doubt, anger) and doesn’t want to pursue anymore. Do any unconscious memories or beliefs flood your cognitions? Do any other moments that have been compartmentalized come intrusively back into the mind? Do you unconsciously believe “no one cares about me. My needs aren’t important.” “My partner doesn’t care.” The brain immediately dictates the conscious minds thought process, steering it away from thoughts of pursuit. “You must just need someone else.” “I need to focus on work on something else instead.” Addiction, pleasure comes to mind quickly here. All of this will make it so the king no longer has any momentum or desire to pursue. Or doesn’t give himself access or permission to continue to pursue because he feels those negative emotions. If you already resent your partner over areas of leadership or creativity that have been blocked in it will further shut you down emotionally to want to pursue.

When a partner says no, or thats a bad idea, or that wont work. Most people don’t understand why and then they feel sad, disappointed, or rejected, after they have tried to pursue their partner for a date or a fun day. (Most of the time the partner is just anxious about the details and needs to be led through them, and is able to calm down. Helping lift the fog (I stated earlier). If the king knows his disappointed or he feels rejected, he than can help himself cope or harness that energy to cope and reframe his thinking. To use the negative emotion as motivation instead of feeling sad (the emotion of being sad, causes people to lose motivation. A major part of depression). Once we feel a negative emotion our brain only thinks negative cognitions. This will only change until we “change the channel/frequency” emotional state of being we are in. Once we change it we can now think clearly again. If we don’t change the emotional state of being, the prefrontal cortex and perception goes to (I like the metaphor of) “Alice and wonderland” and you go down the rabbit hole into whatever dark madness of cognition you believe. If you aren’t careful with that process how dark do your thoughts go? It’s so easy to self mutilate and self sabotage in your mind (you don’t deserve this, you are not inferior). It is also very easy to go to a place of grandiosity (my partner is stupid, less than me, they don’t deserve my attention or affection, etc).

Push the negative thoughts out and reframe them. Start to use mindfulness or cognitive coping to help think of positive thoughts. If you are not able to naturally change your thought patterns to a positive outcome, then you need to deal with the emotional response you are in. If you don’t deal with the emotion, you will stay emotional.

All our emotions are there to teach us something not to let them out negatively on our partner. Anxiety is there to protect you, but if you stay anxious all the time will you have positive cognitions about your partner? What will happen in the anxious state of being you will start to doubt your partners commitment to you. “Can I trust you?” If any of their behaviors are questionable you probably will believe and justify that you shouldn’t trust them - that might not be true. If you start to create negative narratives or assumptions to protect yourself, and you will doubt if they are telling you the truth or lying to you. You will not trust where they are or what they are doing. In all that worry, fear, anxiety, you will become more and more defensive and protective because we are never so vulnerable to experience agony as when we love. So in that emotional place we need to protect our hearts, bodies, and minds. Then we attack our partners with accusations and hurtful sayings trying to say “I need to feel safe.” “I need to feel protected.” “I need to know you love me.” “I don’t want to be rejected anymore!”

The emotions continue to come out and anger primarily to protect ourselves. Then in that place how much do we hurt our partner instead of communicate what we need? Does the anxiety come out in criticism? Does it come out in judgment? Does the anxiety come out in telling your partner all the ways they have failed you in the past?

A good king would understand he needs a break from her after getting rejected, and he would then go cope and get himself back to feeling like himself. Strong and confident. Than go back and try and love her again. He fell down and scraped his knee but just needs to get back up dust himself off and try again. Sometimes her rejection is anxiety or defensiveness and has nothing to do with him (most of the time it is either a behavioral miscommunication or verbal miscommunication).

Afterwards he then goes back the drawing board. He’s in generals tent and starts to game plan. In the game plan he then starts to see her strengths, her cravings, her needs. He starts to see time in their schedules when he can make whatever fun day she wants to happen, happen. While out on the date, he continues to love and support her free and clear with no expectations of her being anyway but happy. And if she’s not on that day he’s trying to help her to enjoy her day. Not to manipulate her but to love, honor, and serve her. In this, gaining her honor, her respect, her loyalty.

The karma will return. She will eventually give him some of her time, energy, and love back. That will be through her body, through acts of service, joy. You will get back from her what you give into her and some probably 10 times over if you know how to access it.

The emotions that are coming out need to be communicated in love and dealt with as well. If there is a problem or need for protection ask your king/knight/warrior to protect you in a safe gentle way. Teach him how to protect you instead of critiquing how bad he isn’t protecting you. Teach him fun things that you want to do instead of telling him all his ideas are dumb or aren’t something you would want to do. Helping him see his blind spots in gentle, fun, playful ways. Help him see how to protect you (instead of telling him all the ways he’s failed), you will give him creative ideas to meet your needs in the future. It is easy for a person to feel like a dummy that can never love you. Furthermore, anytime we are emotional cope with your emotions and help figure out what you need to feel safe - for you internally. No matter what happens you can get through it. Do you need to say a motto? “I’ll deal with that if it comes.” How do you change the emotional channel or frequency to something else so you can help love and serve your partner and be their helper instead of their enemy. More over, be true to yourself. You both need more of your love and care, not your defensiveness.

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